A report for the public good

April 25, 2008

Mayhap some of you have heard about Starbucks’ purchase of the Coffee Equipment Company and their now-proprietary rights to the Clover brewing system. Mayhap some of you have heard about Starbucks’ unveiling of the new Pike Place Blend. Mayhap you’ve wondered what this bodes for the future. Well, my friends, wonder no more. Lucas (of 21st Street C&T) brought back some of this very blend from his wayward excursion into the Pacific Northwest. In the good company of Stumptown‘s Hairbender, Vivace‘s Dolce, and Victrola‘s Streamline, this little roast came to me in an unassuming package on my birthday

with an invitation to bring it by some morning to give it a go.

So I did. I did it this morning. I watched them make this new and glorious blend in the method it may or may not be made in the future. Behold, the cake of shame.

And I drank it. I drank it up. And it tasted just fine. Not good, but there was a nice aroma to begin with, followed by pretty much a big pile of nothing. But it wasn’t offensive. Until it cooled. Now, I like my coffees cooler than warmer; some very interesting tastes usually come out when a coffee cools down. But this here blend started to taste like chalk. And finger-paints. Which is not really that tasty, to be perfectly honest.

So, dear reader, be advised that the wave of the future is chalk and finger-paints, brought to you by a large, publicly-owned coffee juggernaut headed by a self-important, narcissistic megalomaniac Howard Schulz.


7 Responses to “A report for the public good”

  1. meredith said

    You are name-dropping the coffees that I drink daily. Not that Starbucks shit, but I tend to stop in Vivace almost daily.

    Zoka has got some great stuff too.

    Seattle is singing to you.

  2. Russ said

    Just curious…

    How do you know what fingerpaints taste like?

    Is red different than green?

    I’ve heard brown has floral undertones and a bright finish.

  3. tmcclearinghouse said


    Don’t tell me you never ate fingerpaints. Everybody knows that reds are most like Ethiopians while greens are very reminiscent of Pacific coffees. Centrals are kind of all over the place. Purples, blues, what have you.

  4. Let’s also be clear that it was a gag gift for your birthday- and that we gave you a gift card to our shop so you could get some good stuff, too.

    I thought the PPR was kinda flat and flavorless. It was a little ashy tasting, too. I didn’t get any elmer’s glue or other nostalgic childhood “hey don’t eat that” kind of experience.


  5. tmcclearinghouse said

    No disrespect! I just thought it might be fun to dream about the future marriage of starbucks and clover. Good times! Jokes! Thanks!


  6. FYI I used the rest of the PPR to “season” the Clover at the beginning of each day… followed by a few serious rinse cycles!

  7. thepresentmoment said

    I was hoping the future had more of a saw dust, roasted carpet, and glue consistency. Oh well. Good to see you the other day.


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